I read a great article on the importance of parental balance when raising Godly stable children. Below are a few of the excerpts. READ THE THIRD AND FOURTH PARAGRAPHS ESPECIALLY.
Women view life through glasses that see everything in terms of feelings, while men view life through glasses that sometimes seem to be without any feelings at all—just plain logic…
Both feeling and logic are a necessary part of life. A logical man and a feeling woman can make a good team. If a man can borrow his wife’s glasses and get a view of the world from her perspective, it helps temper his perception of humanity. When a couple can work together, each knowing his or her gifts and abilities, and when they can trust each other, they can reach far higher together than either could alone. Logic tempered with sensibilities is like wisdom with compassion, judgment with mercy…
When a man’s moral confidence is broken by his sin, by constant criticism, by the hard knocks of life, or when his morale is broken because he and his wife do not function as one, the husband may lose his resolve as a man. He doubts himself and loses his ability to see absolute truth and judgment; in which case the man will defer to his wife’s interpretation of life in many areas. He becomes the sensitive man, nearsighted, where feeling dominates, instead of farsighted where truth rules.
It is appropriate that a man should defer to his wife’s sensibilities when it comes to babies. Her motherly instincts toward the newborn are a compelling force of nature. Even in training children, especially with the younger children, husbands have a tendency to trust their wives’ instincts. But as children grow into the world of responsibility, they have a greater need for objective wisdom, which sometimes may seem unfeeling to the sensitive mother. If mother seeks to protect her children instead of deferring to her husband’s just rule, daughters grow sulky and sons grow effeminate and weak, leaving them both unfulfilled. Fathers are prone to reject sons that mothers protect.
Now here is the point of this article. It is a warning, a caution, a course correction. We see men who have laid aside their objective glasses and are seeing the world through female glasses. There has been a paradigm shift in the church. Modern Christian worldview has communicated the idea that sensitivity is spirituality, that passivity and unregulated compassion are the heart of God in every matter. The church as a whole has adopted a female worldview. Modern worship and preaching have effeminized the men. Even in cultures where women are not officially given leadership capacity, their sensibilities are in control—through the men. Much of the “praise” music is more like a weepy love song than marching, militant, warriors going to do battle with the devil, wearing the armor of God. We are seeing the fruit in the weak and sensitive sons.
A man of God is compassionate and sensitive to the needs of others, but he is first a man of truth and judgment. We are a whole being, made in the image of God. Our souls possess the three attributes of intellect, volition, and sensibilities, more commonly called mind, will, and emotions. Balance is found in order. Doctrine, truth, worldview, belief, and convictions all originate in the mind, not the sensibilities. To follow feelings before filtering them through truth is to yield to fantasy and personal pleasure. But that is where the church is today—and where the home is.
Wives must be careful not to feed the “feeling frenzy” by insisting that their husbands share their sensitive perspectives. Allow your husband to be a man without judging his spirituality when he acts out of objective convictions rather than touchy-feely sentiment. Do not interfere when your husband tries to make men out of your little boys. A good father must sometimes act a little bit like a Marine sergeant. If a child sees his mother’s hurt feelings, he will develop a chip on his shoulder and assume he is the victim and his dad is at fault.
The Bible recognizes the proper order when it says, “…speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things” (Ephesians 4:15). Truth directs love. Love, forgiveness and compassion cannot be indiscriminately given, or it will lead to injustice. To sympathize is not a luxury of truth.
I can see where some of what we have said can be taken out of context and used to justify the selfish responses of a husband and father. Nothing ever written is free from misuse. But a pure heart will see the wisdom and truth of the admonishment as it was intended. We call on you to resist this slide into the feminization of our culture, our churches, our homes, and most of all, our young men.
I see these little boys running around suffering from the lack of a father grounded in truth. My heart goes out to them. What chance do they have of learning Godly masculinity and leadership when they do not see it in action at their home. Fathers, step up! Mothers, encourage the Godly leadership of your Husband. You will regret it later if you do not.
Some mothers complain their husbands do not exhibit leadership qualities and so they “reluctantly” step in to that role. Scripture does not leave that option open. A father who is spiritually absent is still the God-appointed head of the home. Wives, pray for his soul and for the soul of your children but do not re-order God’s design for a family.