Call me Mara

The doctor confirmed Thursday that Candice is miscarrying the baby.

Candice and I have so many questions. The question that arises most is one I convinced myself I was too mature to ask. “Why God?” It even looks ignorant reading it. But I can’t stop asking. No answer provides comfort.

I know that I shouldn’t blame God…Or should I? When much worse trials fell on Job, he said, “The arrows of the Almighty are in me…God’s terrors are marshaled against me.” He saw God’s hand as the acting force behind his awful situation. I read when Job said, “The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away,” he did not sin with his mouth. It was not sin to say God takes away.

God takes away?! He who threw the stars in place and upholds all things in his right hand…He takes away? He takes from me?

After losing some of her family to death and relocation, Naomi told her townpeople, “Call me Mara, because the Almighty has made my life very bitter. I went away full, but the Lord has brought me back empty.”

I feel like the Almighty has made our life bitter.

So what do I do? What should I think?

Job followed his previous comment with, “May the name of the Lord be praised.” May the Lord give me grace to respond with truth.

The comfort I find is in knowing that God is gracious, faithful and sovereign. I can’t honestly say I feel like God is gracious. But I know He is.

I need to rehearse scripture that reminds me of truth. I wish I knew my Bible better.

But I do know this. Jesus Christ is the rock on which I can stand. Pray with me from Psalm 40:

I waited patiently for the Lord, he turned to me and heard my cry,
He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire,
He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.
He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God.

…Many, O Lord my God, are the wonders you have done,
the things you planned for us no one can recount to you,
Were I to speak of them, they would be too many to declare.

…Yet I am poor and needy, May the Lord think of me,
You are my help and my deliverer,
Oh my God, do not delay.

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3 thoughts on “Call me Mara

  1. Candice says:

    Shaun. I love you so much. In all of the emotions and happenings of the week, I have been so overwhelmed with the same question. The one you said you feel silly asking. I have felt silly asking too, so I have kept it to myself. Now that you’ve asked it I will too. Why, God? We were so thrilled at this blessing and this testimony of your almighty power to give life! Why take it away? Please know that I am so grateful for the blessing of your thoughtfulness. I recognize that you have moved your whole week around to take me to the doctor. I know you have lost sleep and been exhausted from taking care of Reagan. I have noticed when you cleaned the house and took care of me. All the while, experiencing the same emotional loss as me. Thank you for all you have done this week. I love you. I am grateful to God, more than anything, for the blessing of YOU.The challenge in James about trials makes so much more sense to me now. What a challenge that is! Count it joy. Joy! Lord, give me joy!

  2. Julie says:

    Shaun and Candice,I am very sorry. I will be praying for you both. Love,Julie

  3. Jo says:

    We love you guys. We’re praying for you.

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